Holy hot mother of all the creamy goodness! It's the reel deal Machete trailer. With DeNiro! Alba! Seagal! Lohan! (in Nun outfit!) Wowzers.Danny Trejo is the man, fuck Arizona! One of the best faux trailers in the 2007 Grindhouse flick. Next to Thanksgiving. That is also slated for 2011 release. Yesssss!

Can't wait for this one. Drops in September! Trailer below...

Labels: action, grindhouse, guns

Super trashy flick from Spain. All types of bullshit goes on here. Wow. I'll start with the karate fight sequences, they are ridiculous. One of those deals where the actors aren't even close to hittin' the other guy - like a mile off. Had to be done in one take.

This is your typical revenge movie when the bad guys are some wannabe Nazi bikers. This is their cheesy leader.
Check out the rest of his crew...
There's a good amount of sex and violence. One problem - beware - also one too many naked dude shots. Sup with that? Although the one naked dude doin' karate is funny as all hell. Here's a 3 minute clip to see the dealio. Or find the whole flick elsewhere online. It's craptastic.

Labels: 80s, action, cult, hitler, hoes, karate, nude, sleaze

Seriously WTF? Hard Ticket To Hawaii is an explosive cocktail of guns, drugs and breasts. It's a deadly combination that everyone must see. Not to mention a soundtrack that is painfully 80's. The cheese factor is off the freakin' charts.

This is the 2nd film of Andy Sidaris' L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies series. There's 12 films in this series based around a team of secret agents. Hot secret agents. Here's Dona Speir (Playboy Playmate March 1984) doing some undercover work.I can go on and on and I will. Nunchucks, ninja stars and chicks with motherfucking ROCKET LAUNCHERS!
Okay, stop what you're doing and watch this quick clip from HTTH titled "Skater's Death" and then feel free to post a comment. Enjoy.

Labels: 80s, action, ass kickin, bad dialogue, hot girl, retarded, sleaze

Some people like Stallone, for others Arnold, but I like Bronson. Now a simple post would be anything from the Death Wish series. C'mon, that shit is good...but it ain't Mr. Majestyk.

Written by Elmore Leonard ("Rum Punch" aka "Jackie Brown") so you know it's the real deal and Bronson has some classic lines in this classic piece of film history. Such as:

Bobby Kopas: It ain't sunk into that thick brain of yours yet. See, everything goes a lot easier and a lot less trouble when you're doing business with me. You understand what I'm talking about?
Vince Majestyk: You make sounds like you're a mean little ass-kicker... only I ain't convinced. You keep talking and I'm gonna take your head off.Nancy Chavez: If you want to go to bed with me, why don't you say so?
Vince Majestyk: I don't want to talk about it, I want to do it.

This is some quality shit especially if you're a 70's revenge flick kind of person. Now I understand I like to hype up the trailers I post, but this one is fucking great. Enjoy.

Labels: 70s, action, ass kickin, bronson

Aka "The Dragon Flies." Director Brian Trenchard-Smith ("Stunt Rock") takes my favorite Asian action hero Jimmy Wang Yu and showcases him under this Aussie production with a special appearance by Sammo Hung to boot. Oh yeah, George Lazenby ("On Her Majesty's Secret Service") plays a drug trafficking, gun toting evil son of a bitch with an arsenal of firepower that could take down any motherfucker in his way.

Right off the top this movie kicks ass from the beautiful locations all the way down to the edgy synthed out soundtrack. Even the opening title track called "SkyHigh" is very catchy and fits the pic perfectly. I need this friggin' soundtrack!
Also, it must be noted that the stunts in this movie are hardcore. The car crashes and real looking fight sequences are all wild. One shot in particular, a car blows up and the door comes flying at the cameraman making for a sick shot but was obviously an accident. An accident that could have been deadly. Yeah, that's a nice pic with Jimmy Wang Yu rockin' the full Adidas tracksuit!

Minus a few slow points this Aus-Chopsocky mash up is one to check out, fo' sho. As usual, enjoy the original theatrical trailer - you'll get a good feel from the trailer how crazy these stunts actually are...

Labels: 70s, action, ass kickin, drugs, guns, jimmy wang yu, kung-fu

Aka "Dirty 7". Tagline: Whatever the Dirty Dozen did - they do it dirtier!

All the internet buzz seems to be about Quentin Tarantino's remake of Enzo G. Castellari's Inglorious Bastards right now. So, let's go old school for a minute and take a look at the original. I like to use its U.S. VHS title "G.I. Bro" which exploits the afro angle - even though Fred Williamson ain't the star! Too funny.

WWII. A group of American solders in the process of being shipped off to prison manage to escape when a German air attack hits the convoy. They decide to head to Switzerland for refuge only to end up on a commando mission to help the French Underground. They must steal the Nazi's military hardware and bring it back to the Allies without getting arrested again by their own side.
I'm sure QT's version will be completely different (and bloodier) than this version and fuck, I can't wait!
There's also the DVD release of the original coming in a few weeks. 3 discs. Probably including some footage that I was in attendance for. (cause I'm a stank-ass QT whore like that.)

And now for the original theatrical trailer...

Labels: 70s, action, tarantino, WWII

All you gonna do is mix Flashdance, The Exorcist & Enter The Ninja and POOF, you get this flick. An evil ninja attempts to avenge his death from beyond the grave, by possessing an innocent woman's body. This movie is 80's cheese to the max - Like gag me with a spoon!

The opening ninja action sequence is some serious business. Every trick is utilized blow darts, throwing stars, smoke bombs...its incredible. Then you get quality dialogue like: "Only a ninja...can destroy a ninja." & "You fool! You can not stop me! I am the ninja! No one, nothing can stop me!"

Lucinda Dickey (star of "Breakin") gets possessed and puts on the full outfit. Boo-ya!Oh yeah, then there's that ridiculous scene where she is having sex and decides to pour a can of V-8 down her chest which had me ROTFL.

Finally, I'm a big fan of anything released by The Cannon Group. It had to be said. They put out the best 80's shit, fo' sho, and Ninja III is no exception.

Labels: action, ass kickin, ninjas

Kick ass tagline: She purrs like a kitten...makes love like a siren. This side of the pacific, she is the meanest, deadliest and sexiest secret agent.

Directed by Filipino grindhouse master Bobby A. Suarez and starring the attractive Marrie Lee as the top policewoman Cleopatra Wong. Damn, this flick is the bomb with a fucky ass soundtrack!

As you can see by the theatrical poster (which I have framed in my bedroom cause I don't fuck around) this movie has all types of weapons. Guns, shotguns and bow n' arrows and that's freakin' AWESOME.This was followed up by a sequel titled Pay or Die which I'm still tryin' to find a copy of. Also, there's a new one in production now titled Vengeance of Cleopatra Wong. 30 years after the original! I hope they pull it off. In the meantime check out this:

Labels: action, asian, ass kickin, karate, kung-fu

I may have topped myself with this post. Yor is so much trashy fun just thinkin' about it makes me wanna watch it again.

Yor is played by Reb Brown and he is one of the cheesiest action heroes this galaxy has ever laid eyes on. It all starts off with a little prehistoric action (dinosaurs) and then takes a hard left halfway through to morph into a Star Wars rip-off with a spaceship full of Darth Vaders. Fuck yeah!Another great aspect is the theme song and I demand you listen now! So ridiculous. Damn, I need to get me a copy of that soundtrack.

Here's the original TV spot that manages to sum it all up in 34 seconds:

Labels: action, antonio margheriti, rip off, star wars

MOTFG aka the sequel to the One Armed Boxer. Tagline: It's A Mean Machine - Cuts Your Head Off Clean!

That's right, I went for the kill today, you sexy MF's. It's the most classic grindhouse kung-fu flick, period. Written, directed and starring my main man Jimmy Wang Yu (I call him Jimbo) as the One Armed Boxer who must defeat the MOTFG who of course is also blind.

Non stop action, decapitations and the horrible chopsocky style dubbing that we've all grown to love. I won't watch a subtitled version of this. No fucking way.

Below is the Indian dude with really long arms. In fact, a handful of these characters were later ripped off by Capcom for the Street Fighter 2 video game.This sucka hits the gas from frame one and doesn't let the fuck up...so bow down to the original theatrical trailer!

Labels: action, asian, ass kickin, jimmy wang yu, karate, kung-fu

I figured what better time than to post a Raiders rip-off? Specifically, an Italian Raiders rip-off. All the Indy-like elements are here: ancient boobytraps, rats, snakes and even a giant rolling stone! Some scenes are shots of miniatures (model train sets) that look like...well, miniatures.

This stars David Warbeck (Fulci's The Beyond) who looks a lot like Roger Moore.

We are stuck in a cave with the wannabe Indy and the wannabe Sallah character as seen in the pic below. The Sallah character rules. He's accidently funny and he has a lazy eye!Overall, this is a fun rip-off if your into the Indy series and looking for a good laugh. Here's the Italian trailer...

Labels: action, antonio margheriti, ass kickin, bad dialogue, Indiana Jones, rip off

Jimmy Wang Yu is the White Dragon. A one man wrecking crew with his steel spear aka "six feet of silver death."

Sure, Wang Yu has been in a ton of classics, but this one is solid on the trash scale. Bad dubbing, missing footage, scratchy transfer, wacky sound effects...blaze it up cause it's all here.

The White Dragon must save the Chinese nation from tyrannical destruction all by himself. The leads us to a strong 30 minute grand finale of Wang Yu spearing suckers to death. Zero dialogue in the second half, just killing. That's the way I like it!

When our hero spears an enemy through the chest they don't bother to make it look real. It's the obvious hold the spear under the armpit trick.

The White Dragon fights General Tai in the final battle with a shocking ending.Another noteworthy thing is the horrible 80's prog rock song in the opening credits. The band is called Flood and the song soooo doesn't fit in this flick!

Another ass kickin' trailer...strictly droppin' gems on y'all.

Labels: action, asian, ass kickin, bad dialogue, blood, jimmy wang yu, karate, kill bill, kung-fu, Shaw Brothers

Directed by William Lustig. (owner of Blue Underground DVD!) This is quality trash.

When Robert Forester's son is killed by gang members he decides to join a special underground vigilante group made up of ex-cops. Revenge is sweet. Forester working outside the law & Fred Williamson is in it too...FUCK YEAH.

Fans of Death Wish need to check this out - cause these filthy punks need to be blown away with their jean jackets and cheesy haircuts.

Time to clean up the streets. It is the only answer. Who really has time for the courts to sort out these scumbags? Just take 'em down. Fred Williamson provides some bad dialogue to throw this over the top: "You gotta moral obligation, the right of self preservation! Now you can run, you can hide, or we can start to live like human beings again! This is our Waterloo, baby!" His delivery sucks. Maybe next time get a second take?

Top notch early 80's grind with a rooftop shoot out ending that's full of blood & awesomeness...

Labels: action, ass kickin, bad dialogue, black, blaxploitation, exploitation, killers, revenge

Director Chang Cheh and producer Run Run Shaw bring us this hard hittin' kung-fu film. The story revolves around a young fighter who travels to Singapore to make a name on the streets.

This flick may start off slow, but it ends with a battle to the death! I saved you the trouble and posted the grand finale below...cause I'm good like that.

Boxer From Shantung inspired Quentin Tarantino. Who re-created the teahouse scene for the Kill Bill 'House of Blue Leaves' sequence.

Throw a mask on these bad guys below and PRESTO you got The Crazy 88's!
This is hands down the bloodiest kung-fu film of the early to mid seventies. Do yourself a favor and watch the ass whoopin!

Labels: action, blood, kill bill, kung-fu, revenge, Shaw Brothers